


bottle it up (or scream it out)

by brightsmile



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, everyone's all sad and broken, like me on monday mornings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:11:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightsmile/pseuds/brightsmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows how to deal with all his pent up pain and sorrow. He’s had years of practice.</p><p>Now, if only a certain meddlsome blonde would stop trying to “fix him” when he so obviously has his own problems that need to be dealt with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bottle it up (or scream it out)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr:  
> http://narryblush.tumblr.com

“They’re looking for you.”

Harry doesn’t jump in fright at the unexpected voice. He doesn’t turn his head to address the boy walking towards him.

He makes no movement at all, even as the boy comes to a stop beside him, standing so close that Harry can feel the warmth radiating off of his small, pale body.

Harry waits a few minutes before finally acknowledging the blonde beside him with a short nod of his head.

“Okay.” He says quietly, knowing the boy beside him will say no more until he gives him some kind of response, “Did you tell them where to find me?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches the boy’s porcelain face twist into a jumble of twitching cheeks, furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips, the freckles smattered across his skin shifting when his nose crinkles beneath them.

“No.” he declares, glancing at Harry with such wide and honest eyes that the curly-haired lad has no choice but to believe him. “I’ve been waiting for them to figure it out.”

Harry chuckles humorously, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “If they haven’t figured it out by now, I doubt they ever will.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m giving you a right to tell them.” He adds quickly when the smaller boy nods contemplatively, “You’ll keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.”

The blonde nods again, though this time it’s quite abrupt; a quick dip of his chin before he turns his attention away from Harry and instead raises his gaze to the darkening sky above them.

“I don’t understand why you come here.” He whispers a moment later, “Not when you’re already so sad.”

Harry turns his head a bit and isn’t at all surprised to find himself staring into a pair of curious and doll-like blue eyes.

They’re so close together that the taller lad can’t help but notice that the thin yellow bands surrounding the boy’s pupils are the same color as the sun sinking down in the sky above them.

“I don’t need to have reasons for what I do.” He mutters angrily, “And if I did, there’s no reason I have to share them with you.”

The blonde appears unperturbed by his heated words and instead crosses his arms tightly across his chest and blinks up at Harry with an unreadable expression.

“You’re not the only one who acts this way.” He suddenly mumbles, more to himself than to Harry. “Louis’s always flipping through that old photo album he carries around with him. Zayn keeps listening to all those saved voicemails even though I keep telling him it’s not healthy.”

Harry watches as the small boy shudders, squeezing his eyes shut briefly as he composes himself. He nearly reaches out to wrap a comforting arm around his shoulders but rethinks his actions just as the blonde reopens his eyes.

Harry’s arms remain pinned to his sides, his fisted hands shoved so deeply into his pockets that it’s almost painful.

The other boy continues speaking, completely unaware of Harry’s inner turmoil

“I even caught Liam crying over some faded old photographs the other day. And he bothers you guys about all this stuff just as much as I do!”

Harry senses the outburst moments before it happens and has just enough time to wrench his hands out of his pockets and twist to the side, blocking the pale fists hurtling towards him.

“You’re all so stupid!” the blonde cries out, yanking his arms back away from Harry’s scrabbling fingers before he tries to hit him again. “Why can’t any of you just move on, huh? Stop fucking living in the past and start focusing on what’s actually happening right now!”

To stop himself from receiving a nasty punch in the face, Harry is forced to shift his body around until he’s facing the enraged boy beside him.

Clenching his teeth together, he reaches out and seizes onto the blonde’s wrists, wrapping his fingers around them and squeezing tighter than is probably necessary until the smaller boy stops trying to break free of his grip.

“Would you stop freaking out!” Harry shouts angrily, pulling the pale boy closer to him in an attempt to get a better hold on his arms, “Stop being so…just quit trying…will you calm the….NIALL!”

The boy freezes mid-struggle and stares up at Harry with his mouth gaped on in surprise.

 “Niall.” Harry repeats, the syllables feeling weird on his lips, because he’s never addressed the other boy by name before.  He’s made sure not to call anyone by their name since his life was destroyed all those years ago.

“Chill. The. Fuck. Out.” Harry orders, sliding his hands up to Niall’s shoulders and shaking him to reinforce each word, “Take a deep breath and stop trying to give me a black eye.”

Niall seems to be so surprised by Harry’s actions that he remains motionless, though the taller lad’s eyes zero in on the slow stream of tears sliding down his cheeks, gathering in droplets under his chin until they fall to the dirt path beneath them.

Harry feels one land on his forearm and he stares at the small puddle glistening on his skin until he remembers Niall’s staring at him and waiting for him to speak.

“You’re no better than any of us, you know. In fact, you’re probably the worst at handling it all.” He finally says, shrugging his shoulders when Niall looks up at him furiously, opening his mouth to argue.

“Honestly, just look at yourself.” Harry whispers, “You bottle everything up and ignore it; let the pain build up deep inside you until it hurts so much that everything comes surging out at once. It’s not healthy.”

Niall shakes his head, big blue eyes glittering with unshed tears. “You’re wrong.”

Harry smiles wryly, removing one hand from Niall’s shoulder and moving it to the smaller boy’s chin, stopping it mid-shake and holding it steady so Niall’s forced to meet his gaze.

“I’m not saying the way we all deal with our sadness and pain is any better. Louis and Liam would rather spend their time staring at pictures of what their lives used to be like, rather than dealing with the real world around them.”

“Zayn tortures himself by listening to all those old voicemails because it’s all he has left of those he’s lost.  Yeah, it’s not healthy but it’s how he handles his grief.”

Harry lets go of Niall in order to gesture around dramatically at the cemetery they’re standing in. “Which is the same reason why I run off every day after dinner and come here to be alone for a few hours. It’s how I deal with the hurt, that constant sadness that follows me around everywhere I go.”

“But doesn’t being here make you even more depressed?” Niall asks quietly, swiping away at the dried tears on his face with the back of his hand.

Harry shrugs, “Not really. It’s actually kind of refreshing; makes me feel a little better. Probably the same way you feel when you finally take down your walls and have one of your outbursts. Still miserable, but better.”

Niall blushes at the mention of his breakdown and stares down at his shoes, “Every day I wish life wasn’t like this, that we weren’t all so messed up.”

“We’re orphans Niall.”  Harry says dryly, “We all have no family and lost our parents and loved ones in horrible, gruesome ways. I think everyone’d be more worried if we acted like normal teenage boys.”

“I guess.” Niall says, though he doesn’t sound like he completely agrees with the other boy’s words, “Well I should probably make my way back to the house before it’s completely dark and since I said I would find you and bring you back…”

He trails off but Harry knows what he’s trying to say.

“Don’t worry, I’m coming back with you.” he says, “Just give me a second.”

Niall nods and turns away, walking along the dirt path slowly and glancing down sadly at the graves around him.

Harry waits until he’s nearly out of the cemetery before he turns back to the set of headstones in front of him.

“Dad,” he starts, swallowing hard, “Mom. Gemma.”

He feels the tears gather in the corners of his eyes, “I miss you guys, more than I thought was possible. I don’t know why you all had to leave me here all alone where I’m surrounded by a bunch of crazy kids, but it’s okay. I forgive you.”

He glances behind him where Niall’s waiting for him at the gate of the graveyard, arms crossed tightly across his chest as he watches the moon creep up into the sky, bathing everything in an eerie light.

“It’s not completely horrible.” Harry continues, turning his attention back to his family’s gravestones, “There’s this one kid who seems focused on trying to make me better. He’s always trying to get me to smile or laugh and he keeps following me when I come here. It’s actually really annoying.”

Harry drops his voice down to a murmur and runs his hand gently across his mother’s headstone, “But I’m glad he does. I like knowing that someone actually cares about how I feel.”

He straightens up and shoves his cold hands back into his pockets. “Just don’t tell him I told you or he’ll get all excited or something. I haven’t told him I like him yet.”

With one last smile and whispered goodbye, Harry turns and jogs out of the cemetery, slowing to a stop beside Niall.

Without a word, the two begin the long walk back to the orphanage, shoulders rubbing and hands knocking together as they stroll side by side beneath the stars.

And while his gaze drifts every now and then to the blonde beside him, not once does Harry look back at the cemetery behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading :)


End file.
